'Roid Boy

" Good evening, Rip Torn, you neckless wonder, imagine you being the first person I see when I open the dining room for dinner. No-no, just because there are linen table cloths on the tables and you drink your protein shakes from crystal goblets in here, think nothing of wearing only wife beaters and gym shorts. I would hate to miss the chance to admire your definition as you pose and streach for my benefit. Oh yeah I refilled the vat of cottage cheese on the salad bar for you, along with the eggs and the turkey. Did I see you on the jogging trails earlier? No, you only do the gym? The thought of you trying to bounce along on your tip toes because your over devolved calf muscles won't allow you to run in a natural stide humors me greatly. Yeah the entree choices tonight are chicken boursorn and citrus grilled veal chops. I will not ask, I know, two of each. But I am going to load your plate with vegetables, weather you want them or not. Skurvy is ugly. Don't look at me like a barbarian, they are good for you. No- you don't intimidate me in the slightest. I'm not here to hold your hand- that is your counselors job. I ain't gonna listen to you growl then whimper- that is for your support group. I am here to feed your nutrient starved body. Six percent body fat you say? Not any more there buddy. That is how much butter I have been injecting by syringe into each and every piece of meat you consume. So what, he is only my boss. His telling me not to tease and mouth off is only redundant. Do some reps with the chair somewhere else. No doubt you really can pick up the entire desert bar. Don't. It's painfully obvious why you are here. There are skinny little geeks being beat up right now for lack of the steroids you use. I bet even their mamma's could take you. See you tomorrow. Make sure you wipe your sweat off the machines for me will ya?"